Damn the torpedos...yup, its time to talk about breastfeeding

Tanner is now 21 months old. I stopped breastfeeding 9 months ago. My boobs are still mourning it. Truth be told, it's more like I stopped pumping 9 months ago, but more on that later.


I had to stop when I couldn't possibly figure out what else to eliminate from my diet to help his rapidly developing allergy situation. I remember -- he was turning 1 that Friday, and it was clear from the allergist testing samples on his little tiny back that my milk was a hazard to his health.

During the prior 8 months, I had dealt with a broken pump on the way to Brazil (I don't speak Portuguese so finding a new one while there, no small feat), fried converters in London (twice -- yes I am a moron), frozen gallons of the "liquid gold" all told, and been through more than my fair share of latching challenges.

Logging 100,000 miles in corporate travel and still managing to feed a child all breastmilk (and introducing solid food per normal pediatric recommendsations of course) was a serious point of pride for me. Especially when I did it "my way" with child number 2, only confirming my disdaine for what I like to call "the nursing nazis." And finally... the point of tonights pontification.

And here it is... perhaps you've come upon this post because you are thinking about breastfeeding, (or trying to now or something like that) and somehow I popped up on your Google search (or you just like reading my flippant use of the word boobie?).

So the nursing nazis will tell you there is all sorts of things like nipple confusion and a lot of rules about THE ONLY WAY TO DO IT. It's overwhelming, and hence, despite their pleas that we all need to give our babies breast milk for 19 years or so, most women only nurse for 30 seconds. So here's what I've figured out, with 2 babies, a lot of boobie talk with "lactationists" (unlike the nursing nazis, those of us who actually are nursing babies), and occasional advice from a professional lactation consultant who wasn't, unlike most nursing nazis, clinical insane:

* Babies want to be warm, sleep and eat. They want to "eat" (meaning drink) REALLY bad, whatever will fill their itty bitty tummies, ASAP. SO, if you give them a way to get it fast and easy, that is what they will like. SO, if you are nursing a baby but start supplementing with a bottle with 4 big wholes in the nipple and its really easy to get the chow, well then that's what they will prefer. So what's a nursing mom to do -- well you can use only your boobs direct, OR you can nurse, and pump (or supplement with formula) but if you are going to do this -- ONLY USE A NIPPLE RATED FOR NEWBORNS/1 month in flow rate. So for example, while I was still nursing my children but also wanted to use pumped breast milk when say, at the grocery store (I love boobies, but I hate wipping 'em out in the dairy case), I used in Avent nipple with 1 whole for the first 3 months or so, then went to a 2 whole nipple but never more until I was no longer nursing. That way, between the yummy sweet taste of breast milk (I'm seriuos, try it) and the easier flow of my boobies, baby had incentive to "work it" (but take the bottle when offered no other option).

* Here's what the nursing nazis have right, but is really really hard. When you (or I should say, the baby) are latched on right, REALLY REALLY it does NOT hurt - pressure yes, but hurt -- NO. And I know you are desperate to feed the baby and think you can bear the pain and its worth it, but I promise you, a few more tries and you'll get it! And if you keep letting the wonderful baby monster latch on wrong, he won't learn the right way, and it will drive you to the point of such severe pain, possible infection, and general misery... you surely will quit nursing. So really, break his grip and try again.

TIP: Even if you are a great nursing team and its all going along swimmingly right on the boob, get a pump. Something will happen, you will need one. Just do it.

And here's something I have yet to see in the scads of nursing books and articles I've read: Please know, nursing a baby is hard. Unless it happens to go really well and easy for you because your baby has all the right instinct and biomechanics from birth, nursing just might be the most mentally demanding thing you have ever done. Have you ever worked a sales job that requiring tons of cold calling? There's sales technique to learn for sure, but there's also the sheer ability to emotionally get over all the "NOs" and make another call. That's nursing in the beginning -- except more emotionally charged because of the overwhelming need to feed your child! So just take a deep breath, fight your own desire to run away from failure and try again. And then again, and again. You'll get it, baby will get it. My daughter didn't really get how to latch on properly, at least on a consistent basis, until she was about 7 weeks old. Somedays I couldn't handle the stress and I just gave her all pumped milk because I needed a break from the sense of "failure." But we got there... you can too, just keep trying.

When I was in the thick of nursing, I could have made a list of at least a hundred DOs and Don'ts... but most of all -- just feed your baby. Even if it is formula.

"Nursing Nazis? Hessians out for dividends?" you ask. No. I mean the people who are trained in hospitals and write books and generally terrorize pregnant women and new mothers with their bull s#)$t wrath of how giving a baby human milk must be done. So lets clarify a few things. While prego, once you decide you think you might be interested in breast feeding, read up. The Nursing Nazis dominate the literature, so its hard to find real practical advice. But alas you have found it, and don't hesitate to email me with your particular questions. I will do my best to give you basic sage advice, or at least make you feel better. So here's what I know. Although often the Nazis have advanced degrees (ie masters in nursing) they have zero concept of proof, and regularly dispell myth as if it has a scientific basis. My favorite case in point: "nipple confusion" I have been searching far and wide for ANY form of remotely valid proof of such a thing in an even remotely well controlled research setting and, quite frankly, it doesn't exist.


So first lets be clear on what we're talking about. Supposedly nipple confusion is when a newborn baby gets "confused" between real nipples and artificial ones and this confusion makes them prefer the fake ones. Or something like that. But lets face some other facts. Newborn babies really want 2 things: warmth (ideally by being wrapped up, or swaddled for the first week or two, and close to you or dad for warmth and touching), and secondly, calories (ideally in the form of human breast milk - yummy sweet, easy on their tummy).





And they (babies) want it to go down their little wierd alien looking gullets as fast as their motor skills can handle. Other key fact - real boobs and placing your tiny alien mouth/jaw in the right place when your eyes can't even focus and you have jack for motor skills -- really, really hard. Adults in the crowd doubting this? Go drink a liter of Jack Daniels in 10 min flat, smoke a bowl and then try and throw darts - did you hit the bullseye? that's about the baby brain and muscle equivalent. SO, if you could feed your almost perpetual hunger the easy way or the hard way, which do you choose? It's all an issue of "fluid ease of dynamics." Only nerds get the joke I know but... Anyway, here's what you need to know. Ignore advice that says not to use bottles if that's what will work for you and keep you feeding your baby breast milk.





Pump and use bottles as you see fit -- if you are also trying teach your baby to nurse directly, then do not use anything but a newborn nipple (i.e. in the Avent nipple/bottle system, the 1 hole nipple). As your baby gets more alert, (s)he will be quite motivated to enjoy the far superior flow from your breasts versus the bottle (that works but is so much slower).

Space Junk.

I'm new to this blogging thing. I can talk and talk, but when all of the sudden facing this blank posting space, its like "what do I talk about." So I asked Chris. He said Space Junk. He made an impassioned plea that space junk -- debris and dead satellites and so on, was the pressing issue that HAD to be addressed tonight. Apparently there's a lot of it. Considering we've only been putting things in space for less than 50 years, that's impressive. Or maybe not... my four year old could probably make that much of a mess in a month or less.



Space.com says, Thousands of nuts, bolts, gloves and other debris from space missions form an orbiting garbage dump around Earth, presenting a hazard to spacecraft. Gloves? I can hear Clara Sproat Glenn saying "I always tell Johnny to put away his things... I digress.

Some of the bits and pieces scream along at 17,500 mph... A 1999 study estimated there are some 4 million pounds of space junk in low-Earth orbit, just one part of a celestial sea of roughly 110,000 objects larger than 1 centimeter -- each big enough to damage a satellite or space-based telescope. Good thing my kids toys don't fly around the house (Tanner can wing a toy truck pretty fast, so you probably should be careful if you come over).

Some of the objects, baseball-sized and bigger, could threaten the lives of astronauts in a space shuttle or the International Space Station. As an example of the hazard, a tiny speck of paint from a satellite once dug a pit in a space shuttle window nearly a quarter-inch wide. Ouch. And we all thought crab was the "Deadliest Catch."

But there's more: Aware of the threat, the U.S. Space Command monitors space debris and other objects, reporting directly to NASA and other agencies whenever there's threat of an orbital impact. Who knew there was such a thing as U.S. Space Command (sounds made up for a movie, no?)! And once they report it to NASA, what do they do about it? I mean, really, if there was such an easy solution, we could just clean it up, no?

Well, clearly we should find a way -- is this that hard to figure out? Perhaps all the crazy rocket science types still have their moms cleaning their rooms for them, but it seems pretty clear to me that it's easier to pick up your house periodically versus the-night-before-the-cleaning-woman is-coming-tomorrow-dash.

Doesn't this apply to space too? Duh.

Let them eat bread, tales of fearless bread making

So those of you that have viewed my profile now know that although I have a variety of interests and passions, one of my most passionate labors of love is feeding my highly allergic son. For all of the anxiety, all-out-terror, hassle of the constant hazard that is this world of cross contaminated manufactured food is for him, there really is true fun in figuring out ways to work food chemistry to get the end result you want (delicious, nutritious food).

And there isn't anything more fun in this arena than playing with yeast. This weekend I invented a new bread. I like to call it "open flour bag grill bread."

I can't really re-create it in specific recipe form, so this is more to inspire the at least mildly yeast experienced to not worry so much and just try stuff.

Here's what I did: I created a starter the day before bread making day with some All Purpose and SAF Red Instant and water (about 1 cup of H2O and AP, 1/2 teaspoon of yeast). I had an open bag of King Arthur Flour Co (KAFC) Organic Whole Wheat, some rice flour, KAFC All Purpose, and Sweet Sorghum flour.

I really couldn't tell you the proportions of each, but maybe something like 3 parts whole wheat to 4 parts All Purpose to 1 part rice flour to 2 parts Sorghum. Added to that a tablespoon or 2 wildflower honey, 1/4 cup sunflower oil, a cup of warm water, a couple shakes of powdered ginger, a shake of allspice, and sea salt. I let it rise just a short while (1 hour?) punched it down and let it rise again.

I let it go longer on this rise (about 2 hours) which is definitely a little strange (usually the first rise is the longest). This is truly the essence of bread making by a busy mom... I really have no time for precision timing, and it turns out the beauty of bread making is that in fact, any bread worth making by me doesn't need to be precision timing!

Then I started heating up the grill. And put my pizza stone for grilled pizza (also purchased at the KAFC site) down. Yes, I said preheat the grill.

I HAD to try the grill for bread making. With high temps of bread making, I keep setting off the fire alarms in my house. Which needless to say really messes up the sleeping habits of the 4 year old and 20 month old. ( And my oven sucks. Overshoots regularly.) But I digress...

So while the grill heated, I cut my dough up into 4 pieces and loosely formed them into 4 loaves. I opened a new Exacto knife to slice the top (don't bother trying to slash with any knife but maybe a brand new Cutco -- any razor will do though. Or you can be seriously pro about it and buy a lame).

The grill heated up to almost 600 F. And since I never did this before it just seemed to reason that when I opened that giant lid on the grill it would drop like 200F instantly. It didn't. And so the bottoms of my lovely open flour bag breads are a little well done. But the upper crust and loaf inside is fantastic.

Hurray for yeast and totally fearless bread making!